Way back in the early days of the summer of 2010, many many years ago, Victoria agreed to drop everything she was doing to accompany Joseph and serve as his translator/caretaker on a jaunt through South America. After the two spent a total of about 12 straight days arranging to put their lives on hold (if you're reading this, then you're probably among the close friends and family who will be receiving some of their bills while they're away... please continue to pay them) and visiting multiple Targets up and down the eastern seaboard, they left the country on August 24th. How will it end? Will the pair ever return? What will they eat? Where will they sleep? Will they finally run out of things to say to each other?

For answers to these and more - in fact, ALL - of life's nagging questions, read below.

Sunday

Day 69 - Sunday 10.31.2010
MY BIG FAT ARGENTINE ASADO
(Buenos Aires to La Plata [Gonnet, actually], and back)

A cherished family recipe: Sunday Asado

Ingredients:
2 tbs., heaping, of family love
5 packets of fraternal cooperation
1 oz. of sunshine
46.2 km. of hopeful anticipation
5 liters of small talk
7 bottles of red wine (pref. Malbec)
2 ñandú eggs.
1 hatchet.
the meat of 1 grass-fed Argentine cow, lightly slaughtered
the other parts of that cow
assorted salads
1 cacho de cultura
5 additional bottles of Malbec
2 family photo albums, aged 15 years
30 metric tonnes of emotional baggage
2 bottles of hard liquor (whatever)
7 minutes of unprompted life advice
18 delicious, chocolate-covered excuses to eat dulce de leche
4 m3 of hookah smoke, strawberry flavor, that you are blowing directly into my face
Roquefort, to taste


Preparation:
Combine family love and cooperation, set a date, and hope for sunshine.
Lightly shake anticipation on bus, 45 mins., with persistent stop-and-go motion.
Gently simmer small talk in red wine, until thick reduction remains.
Try to crack open ñandú egg with hatchet, try harder, because the shell is really damn hard. Beat and scramble over open flame.
Slap cow and other parts on grill, ignore assorted salads.
Point out cacho de cultura, begin the chant.
Carefully open photo album. Note: this will produce emotional baggage. Quickly diffuse with additional Malbec, and hard liquor, if needed.
Feign interest in advice, while generously applying dulce de leche, directly to thighs.
Squint through smoke.





Your platter should look something like this:

















If, after following the steps, the result looks like this:


...discard immediately and start over.



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Day 68 - Saturday 10.30.2010
DEAR IRENE AND IGNACIO, ...
(Buenos Aires)

Hello, dear friend of Victoria's from high school and her boyfriend. How are you? We're fine. We are just arriving at the Retiro bus station and cabs are a lot more expensive than we thoug... What? No, you don't have to come pick us... What? You're already here? Oh, there you are, I see you, standing right next to bus. OK, thanks for the ride, sure. And what's that? You went out and bought pastries for us this morning for breakfast? Oh my, your apartment smells like freshly made coffee... Why, yes, I would love some.

What a beautiful apartment! This couch sure looks comfor... What was that? You've already prepared us a bed in the home office, where Ignacio works from home 3 days a week? No, you didn't have to. Let me just grab my super-quick-polyurethane-NASA-travel towel before I take a shower... Hmm, come again? You went out and purchased us each an extra large fluffy white towel? Well, if you insist. Well, you're being very hospitable, we must say, but we promise we won't stay long. Just until we figure ourselves out.

But you simply must let us buy you dinner then. What's your favorite -- sushi, you say? Us too. Oh gee, is that the delivery man downstairs. Let me run down and pay him. Wait, how much, Mr. Delivery Man? In cash? I'm not sure I... Uh, Irene and Ignacio, do you guys have some change?

Well, thanks for the lovely day. We'll be out of your hair soon.

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Day 67 - Friday 10.29.2010
PIG IS NOT A VEGETABLE, PEOPLE
(Mendoza, Argentina to...)

A fine spring day in Mendoza, spent doing typical Mendoza things, such as walking around Mendoza. We reconnected with some old friends (whom we'd met a week earlier in Cafayate), Alberte & Thomas, who happened to be staying at the same hostel. Jacobcito tagged along. We visited the elusive Museo de Arte Contemporaneo, esconced underneath the city's central square and full of somewhat disappointing contemporary "arte." We did, however, dig the chair design exhibition. We'll take the cool one, painted with that funky color, and with the unexpected upholstery.


We then enjoyed a loooong stroll through Parque San Martín, interrupted by a lakeside mate break (good thing we purchased that thermos, huh?) and polo ad photoshoot. Don't they look Argentinian? The loooong stroll continued up to the top of Cerro de la Gloria, a climb that was not nearly as strenuous as every Mendocino seemed to think. What is up with Argentinians and walking? Anyway, the view was pretty incredible, and totally worth the 6.5 minutes of "strenuous climbing" during which Victoria and Alberte discussed, with plenty of breath to spare, whether Sookie and Bill's relationship can really last beyond Season 2.

We then realized we were starving, hopped on a bus that luckily was going back to town, found some food, found some ice cream, found the bus station, found our seats, found the layer of ham in Jacob's "vegetarian" lasagna, and were headed to, at long last, Buenos Aires.
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