Way back in the early days of the summer of 2010, many many years ago, Victoria agreed to drop everything she was doing to accompany Joseph and serve as his translator/caretaker on a jaunt through South America. After the two spent a total of about 12 straight days arranging to put their lives on hold (if you're reading this, then you're probably among the close friends and family who will be receiving some of their bills while they're away... please continue to pay them) and visiting multiple Targets up and down the eastern seaboard, they left the country on August 24th. How will it end? Will the pair ever return? What will they eat? Where will they sleep? Will they finally run out of things to say to each other?

For answers to these and more - in fact, ALL - of life's nagging questions, read below.

Sunday

Days 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100 (!), 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107 - Tues 11.23.2010 to Fri 12.10.2010
ON THE CARRETERA AGAIN
(Buenos Aires to San Martin de los Andes, to Villa La Angostura, to Bariloche, to some places nearby, to Refugio Frey, to El Bolson, to Lago Puelo)

After our three week run in Buenos Aires, we were beginning to forget that we were "travelling." We were thus shocked -- shocked, I tell you -- to find ourselves on a bus heading out of town and towards the Lake District of Argentina. Some call it Patagonia, some call it the Andes. All agree that it's really far away.

A mere 20 hours of driving later, we pulled up in San Martin de los Andes. San Martin is a lovely little town of a town, an alpine style retreat on the shores of a placid Lago Lacar, full of shops and restaurants that open for 2 months during summer high season and 2 months again during winter high season. For better or for worse, we arrived a few weeks before the summer rush. Things are a bit cheaper in the off-season, but, then again, there are fewer things to do. We spent our one full day in the town hiking to Mirador Bandurrias, which is right up there as one-of-the-most-beautiful-views-you'll-ever-dream-of. We also saw some reaaaaally big bulls.













Next up: rental car #2. Ruta de los Siete Lagos. It's the Blue Ridge Parkway died and gone to heaven. You drive south from San Martin past, shockingly, 7 lakes. Snow-capped peaks, bright yellow and purple flowers, perfect weather. I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.



























Just in case the picture of the truck doesn't speak for itself, we can't help you either. The woman said there was a tow truck on the way. That's all we know.











From there, into Bariloche. Thus began our love-hate relationship with Hostal Patanuk. Love because it's awesome, and the dorm room has a lake front view, and because they bake fresh bread for breakfast every morning, and because they have lots of helpful info. Hate, because there's a club downstairs, and because they may or may not have bedbugs. Ah well. First night in town, we managed to meet up with friends Ana and Nacho (Ignacio --> Nacho) for a lovely bit of grilled meat and some weird berry liquor, for which Nacho has since apologized.

Big events for us in the Bariloche area: we used our legs, for a change. As a result of some rotten information from the tourist info office, we hiked straight up the face of Cerro Otto. There was no trail. I don't care what you've heard. There is no trail. There is only some sand and brush. But screw you, mountain, we climbed anyway. We then opted for the 9km walk back down the road into town. Telefericos are for pansies.





Thinking our legs would get a break if we only made them go in short circles, we rented bikes to do the Circuito Chico. Not sure if we're just weak or if everyone here just lies all the time, but there is nothing chico about this cirquito. It is, on the contrary, quite grande. At least it was absurdly pretty.







But wait, there's more. An organized day tour to Pampa Linda and the glaciers on Mt. Tronador. Very cool drive up the narrow one-lane road, followed by some hiking to wait to see a bunch of really big compacted snow and ice slowly falling off of a giant cliff on the top of an enormous mountain. It ain't something you see every day. We were lucky enough at the Ventisquero Negro to witness some chunks of ice separating themselves from the glacier, creating one of the more massive reverberation/ machine-gun sounds you could imagine. The Castaño Overo glacier was a bit more timid that day, and we didn't actually catch it in action. Our guide, Matías, deserves some sort of prize for being knowledgeable and friendly. He's in the platinum category of guides we've had on this trip.




Finalmente, the big adventure. A big hike up from Catedral to Refugio Frey, a classic mountaintop lodge that offers a place to sleep, a kitchen, and, somehow, beer on tap. We hiked for hours through a former forest -- now a burnt forest -- then uphill across a hobbit bridge, past a hobbit house, across several hobbit-sized streams, then up into the snow until we reached our resting place. It being summer down in these parts of the world, the sun does not set until 9:30pm or so, which is very weird considering the horizontal ice storm that raged outside. We were safe and sound inside our refugio, and quite warm inside our silk sleeping bag liners. The next morning, the weather was not cooperating (i.e., intermittent snow, cut by periods of harsh sunshine), and the hike back down ranged from freezing cold to burning hot. Still, no complaints. Life gets worse.

We then passed several more-than-relaxing days at Los Troncos, a pristine and brand new hotel with some hostel rooms. It also has one of the more beautiful kitchens you could imagine. We cooked a lot, making friends in the process with a horde of old ladies in town for a meditation retreat. They also accepted our leftover risotto. When we weren't taking advantage of the phenomenally-fast internet connection, we occasionally left the hotel to steal free chocolate samples from one of the 25 chocolate shops in town. We also sampled some locally brewed beer. It definitely tasted like beer, but there's a reason you've never heard of Bariloche beer.




Despues de Bariloche, we headed south again -- and for the last time on our southerly adventure -- to El Bolson. The Bolson is, for whatever combination of reasons, a bit of a let down. We do some nice hikes, we climb to see the insensitively-named Cabeza del Indio, we visit Lago Puelo national park, we eat some ice cream, we kindle the Hanukah lights, etc. etc.







But with the weather not entirely in our favor, we are stuck inside for a couple of days when we could have been up on top of a mountain somewhere. Victoria becomes totally absorbed in Stieg Larrson's The Girl Who Played With Her Dragon Tatoo, and Joseph takes the opportunity to finally finish Harry Potter y la Piedra Filosofal. Let's just say that, under these conditions, you can do most of what The Bolson has to offer in 5 full days.




When we board our Via Bariloche bus on Friday for the 22-hour cruise back to BA, we are quite thrilled. Plus, they show Invictus on the bus. But Morgan Freeman as Mandela? Really? I thought that we, as a society, would never go there.
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Day 91 - Mon 11.22.2010 THE AGE OLD QUESTION: GEMELAS OR MELLIZAS? ANSWER: IT DOESN'T MATTER, THEY'RE JUST CUTE.
(Buenos Aires to Arrecifes, and back)

ROADTRIP! ... to visit Victoria's cousin Johanna and hubby Genaro, who recently became parents of two beautiful twin girls. Joined by friends Irene (driver), Alec (shotgun), and Ale (hogs the leg room), we drove through pampa after pampa, until we thought we'd run out of pampas. Then you turn left, and you're in Arrecifes. Horses are big business in Arrecifes. Genaro raises them for a living, Johanna keeps them from being sick for a living.

We have some excellent pictures from the days activities -- everyone taking turns holding the babies, a nice family lunch in their rustic dining room, and the ceremonial planting of a lemon tree, our gift to the baby girls. But, unfortunately, Ale has the pictures on his computer, and is too much of a lazy bum to figure out how to convert raw images into a jpeg format. Ale's email address is vjspur@yahoo.com. If you'd like to see our pictures, bug him about it.

Speaking of this good-for-nothing nobody friend, Ale graciously gave us his bedroom for these 2 nights during our brief "homeless" period. We thoroughly enjoyed the hospitality, the homemade milanesa, the free laundry service, and the 4-hour perusal of the high school choir and band trip photo albums. We would also like to apologize to Ale's grandmother, who appeared deeply hurt that we did not sit down and eat a full plate of the chicken she made.

Thursday

Days 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, & 90 – Thur 11.11.2010 to Sun 11.21.2010
AN AMERICAN [FAMILY ]IN [THE] PARIS [OF SOUTH AMERICA]
(Buenos Aires and its surrounds)

Somehow the trap worked. We`re still not exactly sure how they fell for it... the usual batting of eyelashes, some gushing about family unity, perhaps a little begging... But in the end, we succesfully tricked Joseph´s parents into flying to Buenos Aires, renting an apartment for 10 days, and taking us out to dinner. Goodbye nalgene and carabiner backpacker lifestyle, hello ¨why yes, I would like to see the dessert menu.¨

But such luxury does not come cheap. We had to work for our privileges, serving as tour guides, map readers, excursion planners, simultaneous interpreters, and menu translators. Joseph was able to handle a little bit of the work himself, but of course most of these tasks fell on Victoria, the resident Porteña. She very quickly came to regret ever having associated herself with these people, but at this point she was stuck.

For Joseph and lil` bro Jakey, this visit marked the first occasion in which parents Alan and Neda actually listened to their sons. A special thanks to the old folks for taking us seriously when we said not to dress like a tourist. They looked quite urban and sophisticated with a silk scarf (Ma) and an ivy cap (Pa). Lest you think they behaved the entire time, let me add that for some reason they inisted on taking out their cameras every time they got on a subway, much to the frustration of their mugger-fearing sons.

We took the opportunity to do a lot of the more touristy stuff we´d been too lazy to do before. Lots of neighborhood walking, seeing the big sights. Some highlights of what you do in Buenos Aires when your parents are visiting for the first time:

-- Tigre on the weekend. A beautiful port area in the delta area north of the city. The Puerto de Frutos market is endlessly entertaining (good place to get a gourd), the boat ride around the delta is stunning, and the architecture of the rowing clubs is worth 1000 photographs. Joseph´s Pa took all 1000 of them.

-- Recoleta cemetery. Cue the requisite offensive pictures imitating the statues that grieving family members tirelessly labored to have erected, in an effort to permanently memorialize the loss of their loved ones. Time heals all wounds, or something.














-- San Telmo market. A street full of traditional knickknackerías. Some nice antiques, some art, some cool leather, some good crafts, and some real bargains. Joseph's personal hell.

-- Architectural tour with Eternautas. Highly recomended, especially if you can get Analía as a guide. Downtown BA is a goldmine for interesting architecture. The tour discussed the city's relationship with European architecture in the early 20th century, during Argentina's economic boom. Many of the architects were European, and many designed their works from abroad without even coming to visit the sites. The monumental-style bank buildings from this period are particularly striking. Some debate emerged about the merit of the later brutalist styles and the crap that has been built in the redeveloped Puerto Madero area. A stimulating couple of hours.

-- Jewish tour with Eternautas. Not recomended, especially if your guide doesn't know anything. At least we got inside some of the tight security at the synagogues.

-- Chicago. Se dice que las luces de neón son brillantes en Corrientes. Especially at the Spanish-language performance of Chicago, starring as Velma one Mela Lenoir, a high school mate of Victoria's. Quite the excellent performance. We got a picture with the star after the show.

-- The requisite tango show, Cafe Tortoni. We could've done without the script, but the dancing and the live music were both increible.



-- Colonia, Uruguay. A quick ferry jump across the "Rio" de la Plata (looks like an estuary to me...) from BA lies an old pile of Uruguayan stones, some tile roofs, an pretty gardens. Welcome to Colonia. A lovely day trip, and a nice place for some photographs. This historic town bears the distinction of having been conquistadored and reconquistadored by the Spanish and Portuguese 2300 times, or something thereabouts. Here are the old folks in their natural habitat (at right).



-- Palacio de las Aguas Corrientes.

The fascinating collection of the inner tubing that brought BA its first running water back in the day. The museum is worth a quick visit. Come for the historic topographical maps, stay for the toilet display.

-- The Victoria Neiman tour of Zona Norte. The get-away of wealthy BA residents since way back when, Zona Norte (i.e., "the north area") is made up of some beautiful neighborhoods where little Victoria spent most of her days. We were fortunate enough to get an inside tour of the old family abode in Olivos (new roof, new family, and new kitchen) and of Victoria's high school, the preppy prepmongering prepfactory that is the Saint Andrew's Scots School.

Sunday


Days 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, & 79 – Monday 11.01.2010 to Wednesday 11.10.2010
AN EMBARRASMENT OF STAYING PUT
(Buenos Aires and its surrounds)

This period of our trip may appear an anomaly in the midst our busy laundry list of cities, hostels, borders, bus rides, mountains, etc. For one brief, shining moment, after our arrival in Buenos Aires, we found ourselves in the midst of a small army’s worth of Victoria’s family and friends, all wanting nothing more than to sit down with us, place food and drink in front of us, and have multi-hour conversations with us. This one brief, shining moment then repeated itself over and over for the next 9 days, until family members ran out of things to feed us and had to start taking us out to restaurants.

Returning to Buenos Aires after a 4-year dry spell allowed Victoria to spend some quality time with the people who had defined her childhood and teenage years – close high-school friends, all-those-guys-who’d-had-crushes-on-her-in-high-school, family friends, her sisters and her cousins and her aunts, etc.

Since these nine days revolved around the good folk who took turns entertaining us and picking up the tab, we will report on this not with a chronology but rather with highlights of our time spent with these folks. Namely:

Adolpho & Luc. By some wonderful stroke of luck, our time in BA coincided with an extended visit by Victoria’s uncles Adolpho and Luc, all the way from Paris. They have this really weird habit, whereby they drop everything they’re doing when they see you and force you to come over and drink their champagne and never let you leave. It must be a French thing. We were fortunate enough to get to spend hours and hours of uninterrupted time with them. They are excellent uncles.
Luis & Liz. Providence also shone on us in that we overlapped in I-want-to-be-a-part-of-B-A-Buenos-Aires with Victoria’s brother Luis and his wife Liz (totally out of his league, by the way). As fellow NYC residents, Luis and Liz are forced to see us quite often in the real Big Apple. Even though they are snobby Manhattanites, we still like them.

Jacob, little bro to Joseph. A herbivorous curse in a meat-loving city. Here for a semester study-abroad program, Jacob introduced us to all three restaurants in the city that serve vegetarian food. He also gave us a home base for our operations in the “Reco-lermo” area (that’s the border of Recoleta and Palermo), lent us his computer from time to time, and schooled Joseph in a Saturday “jog” (i.e., all-out-sprint). A brief plug for Jacob’s blog.

Aunt Sofia, cousins Maki & Fran & wife Juli. We spent a wonderful evening at the home of Victoria’s paternal aunt, who is about to become a grandma. When we weren't stuffing delicious homemade empanadas into our mouths, we were admiring the bulge that is soon to be Fran & Juli's first son.


The Lantos family. Recipients of the 2010 Nobel Prize for Hospitality. We mentioned Irene and Ignacio in a post a few days ago. (As you may have guessed, we failed to vacate their apartment, and occupied half of their living space for a full 10 days.) Irene is cut from the same cloth as her parents, who routinely go out of their way to make our lives better. Aside from inducting Jacob into their family during the last few months, they have served as our free travel guides, personal chouffers, and cooks. Victoria got the chance to reconnect with -- and Joseph got the chance to finally meet -- the extended Lantos family at the asado (BBQ) Irene & Ignacio threw on their roof deck.


La Famiglia de Gonnet, i.e., the 1 billion members of the Alvarez Gelves family. Victoria´s cousins who reside in and around Gonnet, near the city of La Plata. Asado-throwers extraordinaire (see Day 69), this branch of the family is world-reknowned in Joseph´s mind as the embodiment of the various fanaticisms that make Argentinian culture so incredible. They are fanatical about hospitality, fanatical about family, fanatical about their meat consumption, and, of course, fanatical about fútbol. Their fútbol drug of choice is the beloved Estudiantes de La Plata. Cousin/uncle Luis Alberto graciously took Victoria and two very-foreign-looking young Nussbaums to the Argentine equivalent of Friday night lights, a match between Estudiantes and Lanus. Between the crowd, the songs, the cursing, the fireworks being thrown onto the field, and the lines of riot police (just in case), the experience was unforgettable. Estudiantes 3, los villeros de Lanus (who, according to an oft-repeated cheer, ¨no tienen gas, no tienen luz¨) 0. Mazel tov as well to the Estudiantes, who have since gone on to be Pincharata Campeon. Gggoooooooooooooooooooooolllll... Btw, that´s Victoria´s cousin hanging on to the fence:


Day 69 - Sunday 10.31.2010
MY BIG FAT ARGENTINE ASADO
(Buenos Aires to La Plata [Gonnet, actually], and back)

A cherished family recipe: Sunday Asado

Ingredients:
2 tbs., heaping, of family love
5 packets of fraternal cooperation
1 oz. of sunshine
46.2 km. of hopeful anticipation
5 liters of small talk
7 bottles of red wine (pref. Malbec)
2 ñandú eggs.
1 hatchet.
the meat of 1 grass-fed Argentine cow, lightly slaughtered
the other parts of that cow
assorted salads
1 cacho de cultura
5 additional bottles of Malbec
2 family photo albums, aged 15 years
30 metric tonnes of emotional baggage
2 bottles of hard liquor (whatever)
7 minutes of unprompted life advice
18 delicious, chocolate-covered excuses to eat dulce de leche
4 m3 of hookah smoke, strawberry flavor, that you are blowing directly into my face
Roquefort, to taste


Preparation:
Combine family love and cooperation, set a date, and hope for sunshine.
Lightly shake anticipation on bus, 45 mins., with persistent stop-and-go motion.
Gently simmer small talk in red wine, until thick reduction remains.
Try to crack open ñandú egg with hatchet, try harder, because the shell is really damn hard. Beat and scramble over open flame.
Slap cow and other parts on grill, ignore assorted salads.
Point out cacho de cultura, begin the chant.
Carefully open photo album. Note: this will produce emotional baggage. Quickly diffuse with additional Malbec, and hard liquor, if needed.
Feign interest in advice, while generously applying dulce de leche, directly to thighs.
Squint through smoke.





Your platter should look something like this:

















If, after following the steps, the result looks like this:


...discard immediately and start over.



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Day 68 - Saturday 10.30.2010
DEAR IRENE AND IGNACIO, ...

(Buenos Aires)

Hello, dear friend of Victoria's from high school and her boyfriend. How are you? We're fine. We are just arriving at the Retiro bus station and cabs are a lot more expensive than we thoug... What? No, you don't have to come pick us... What? You're already here? Oh, there you are, I see you, standing right next to bus. OK, thanks for the ride, sure. And what's that? You went out and bought pastries for us this morning for breakfast? Oh my, your apartment smells like freshly made coffee... Why, yes, I would love some.

What a beautiful apartment! This couch sure looks comfor... What was that? You've already prepared us a bed in the home office, where Ignacio works from home 3 days a week? No, you didn't have to. Let me just grab my super-quick-polyurethane-NASA-travel towel before I take a shower... Hmm, come again? You went out and purchased us each an extra large fluffy white towel? Well, if you insist. Well, you're being very hospitable, we must say, but we promise we won't stay long. Just until we figure ourselves out.

But you simply must let us buy you dinner then. What's your favorite -- sushi, you say? Us too. Oh gee, is that the delivery man downstairs. Let me run down and pay him. Wait, how much, Mr. Delivery Man? In cash? I'm not sure I... Uh, Irene and Ignacio, do you guys have some change?

Well, thanks for the lovely day. We'll be out of your hair soon.

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Day 67 - Friday 10.29.2010
PIG IS NOT A VEGETABLE, PEOPLE
(Mendoza, Argentina to...)

A fine spring day in Mendoza, spent doing typical Mendoza things, such as walking around Mendoza. We reconnected with some old friends (whom we'd met a week earlier in Cafayate), Alberte & Thomas, who happened to be staying at the same hostel. Jacobcito tagged along. We visited the elusive Museo de Arte Contemporaneo, esconced underneath the city's central square and full of somewhat disappointing contemporary "arte." We did, however, dig the chair design exhibition. We'll take the cool one, painted with that funky color, and with the unexpected upholstery.


We then enjoyed a loooong stroll through Parque San Martín, interrupted by a lakeside mate break (good thing we purchased that thermos, huh?) and polo ad photoshoot. Don't they look Argentinian? The loooong stroll continued up to the top of Cerro de la Gloria, a climb that was not nearly as strenuous as every Mendocino seemed to think. What is up with Argentinians and walking? Anyway, the view was pretty incredible, and totally worth the 6.5 minutes of "strenuous climbing" during which Victoria and Alberte discussed, with plenty of breath to spare, whether Sookie and Bill's relationship can really last beyond Season 2.

We then realized we were starving, hopped on a bus that luckily was going back to town, found some food, found some ice cream, found the bus station, found our seats, found the layer of ham in Jacob's "vegetarian" lasagna, and were headed to, at long last, Buenos Aires.